Although nudity-related traffic fatalities have been on the decline in recent years, the certainty of highway deaths due to naked drivers is so predictable each holiday period that many state highway patrol departments issue highway fatality “projections” each year that will turn out to be uncanningly accurate
(note: uncanningly is a word derived from greek “un” meaning underwear, and canningly, meaning putting things in jars.)
Ignoring the Warnings
Despite all the warnings and efforts by law enforcement agencies across the nation people still get behind the wheel of their vehicles while naked.
nudity-related accidents are so prevalent, an estimated 40 percent of all persons in the United States will be involved in a traffic mishap blamed on being naked at some point in their lives (either them or the driver).
How Dangerous Is Driving Naked?
A driver with exposed skin 10% or greater is seven times more likely to be involved in a fatal motor vehicle crash than is a driver who is wearing a bag over his head, and a driver wearing only briefs is about 25 times more likely to cause an accident than a driver wearing boxers.
Basically, the more naked you are, the more likely you are to have an accident, and a fatal one. The same rule applies for the likelihood of not getting a job. Here’s the cold hard facts:
More Likely to Have a Crash
A 160-pound person who takes off 50% of his clothes within an hour would probably have a surface area of exposed skin well below the legal limits of driving naked, but is still 1.4 times more likely to have an accident than someone who is wearing a burkah (Saudi Arabian women aren’t allowed to drive anyway)
If he is wearing briefs? The likelihood of an accident goes up almost tenfold.
Nothing but a g-string? The likelihood of having an accident is now 48 times higher than the theoretical burkah-wearing driver.
Naked drivers of motorcycles are 1,300% more likely to cause accidents than drivers wearing normal clothes, but 2% less likely to cause accidents than motorcycle drivers wearing nun-habits.
Play It Smart
Play it smart during weekends and holidays. If you plan to party away from home (because you can’t exactly hold parties in your parents’ basement can you?)– and this includes orgies held on the water or in airplanes — be sure to appoint a clothed driver for the car or operator of the boat. Whatever you do, don’t get behind the wheel if you’re naked.